


When love and death collide

by Fleppy85



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleppy85/pseuds/Fleppy85
Summary: After an attack at a crime scene Sara is paralyzed and lost her will of life. Facing a life threatening to be in a wheelchair she decides she no more reason to live. Can Greg help her? Sara/Sofia friendship, Sara/OC





	When love and death collide

After a sharp pain in her back everything went black. She had no idea how long the darkness surrounded her, sense of time was gone. Maybe she was dead? How did it feel when you are dead?   
What did happen to her? She was on scene, suddenly somebody yelled, something about an unknown suspect in the room upstairs. She was in the middle of the stairs, looked up and the only and last thing she saw was a dark shadow. And the pain.   
Somewhere she heard a voice. Female. So many words. All sounded the same, made no sense to her. Was this woman talking to her? The voice didn’t sound familiar. Whatever the woman wanted, she had to wait. If Sara was dead this woman had to wait longer for an answer – or forever. And if she wasn’t dead, or not dead yet, she had to wait anyway. Sara had no time for a chat, she was tired, she was…wasn’t herself.  
For a long time she was in a place without sound. Only darkness. But no more pain. Death? Somewhere in between? On her way back? If she was dead, would she see herself laying on a bed? In a casket? Who would come to her funeral? There was no family, barely any friends. Her colleagues. The only people who were close to her, who would miss her. Maybe her bartender too. After all these nights they spent together, he worked while she drank and tried to forgot all her problems. So many problems. From the past. The present. The future. Perhaps death was a redemption. Nobody annoyed you anymore, nobody forced you to do things you didn’t want to do, nobody rub salt in old wounds, made them painful and bleed again. Yes, death wasn’t that bad.   
“Sara.”  
What? Wasn’t it possible to think? Even when you’re dead people seemed not to respect that you needed some time for yourself. In case she was on her way to heaven, they could let her wait outside the big gate for a while, leave her in peace. She wasn’t in a hurry to get her cloud and sit around between other people, staring down on the earth. And if she was on her way to hell they could wait too. At their fire places and have their barbecue without her.   
“Come on, wake up. I know you can hear me, wake up. Please.”  
Yes, she could hear her, so what? Wake up? She wasn’t asleep, she was dead. A little time and space for the deaths please.   
“Come on, don’t give up fighting. Wake up. You can do it.”  
Of course she could. But why would she? If they annoyed her while she was dead what would they do when she was alive? Who was this woman anyway? It wasn’t Cath. Nor Wendy or Mandy. Why would they be at her funeral talking to her anyway? The only one she expected to cry for her was Greg. Oh Greggo. Her only true friend. There hadn’t been the chance to hug him one more time. Tell him how important he was to her. How much his friendship meant to her. Too late.   
“Screw it, Sara, that’s not fair. Get your damn eyes open and look at me. Remember Saturday? Come on, I know you remember.”  
Saturday? What was…oh yes. Saturday. She had been out, had the night off. The club she went in, the first time ever. It was fun. Great music, so many possibilities to dance. A lot of great cocktails. And there was…that was where she knew this voice from. Dancing, drinking and ending up in somebody else’s apartment. Probably the first time that she had sex with somebody she met on the same evening since college. What was her name again? Were you supposed to remember after one night?   
“Jules.” Yes, that was her name…did she say out the name loud? At least it sounded like her voice. A little bit hoarse, like she ate sandpaper.   
“Yes, exactly. I knew you’d remember. Come on, open your eyes, I want to see into your eyes, Sara. Please. For me. One look.”  
Open her eyes? It was so nice with closed eyes. Then again she liked Jules’s eyes and a short peek in them couldn’t be wrong, could it? Nice brown. Like hazelnuts. A cute smile, a little dent on the chin, dark brown hair, not long enough to touch her shoulders and too long to be short. She was tall, Sara remembered she had to look up to look into the eyes of the woman she danced with for hours. Only a bit. Two inches, maybe three. Skinny. Not model like skinny, they might weight the same only that Jules was taller. A good sense of humor and a warm laughter. Yes, it was worth to open your eyes for her.   
Light. A lot of light. Too bright. It hurt.   
“Come on Sara, one more try. You’re almost there.”  
Talking about being here. What was Jules doing here? How did she find out that Sara was here? Where was here? Somehow she got the feeling here wasn’t at her funeral. Here was somewhere else. Where? Bright lights. Strange smell. Something beeped. Again and again. It was annoying. Being dead was nicer than coming back. No silence in life.   
“Sara.”  
Hands. There were hands around her hand. She felt them, felt the touch.   
“Jules.”  
“Yes, I hear you. I can hear you Sara, do you hear me too?”  
Apparently she had to accept she wasn’t dead. She was…had been unconscious. So there was no reason not to open her eyes and go somewhere…somewhere without these beeps. Open eyes could be a good start.   
“Too bright.”  
“There you are.”   
Yes, here she was. In a room with too much light and a very much worried looking in front of her.   
“Fuck.” Hospital. She was in hospital. Of course. If she had been unconscious they got her here. Well, they had their fun, now she was back and it was time to go. When she tried to get up she realized she didn’t move. No matter how often she sent the order to move, her legs didn’t move. They stayed exactly where they were. Did they give her so much medicine that she wasn’t able to move anymore? No question she’d make them pay for that.   
“I’m glad you’re back.”  
“Where am I?”  
“Desert Palms.”  
“I want to leave.” The look on Jules’s face told her this wish would be denied.   
“Sara…”  
“No! That’s not a wish, it’s a request. I hate hospitals and I won’t stay here. Call the doctor, let him give me the form I need to sign and I’m out of here.”  
“Sara…”  
“I won’t discuss this, Jules. Doctor.”  
“Okay.” Jules sighed and pressed the button next to Sara’s bed. “How do you feel?”  
“Like newborn.”  
“Do you remember what happened?”  
“The past is over, it doesn’t matter what did happen, what matter is what will happen and that’s I’ll leave.”  
The doctor came inside. “You’re awake Miss Sidle, that’s good.”  
“Tell me about it. I want the form to sign so I can leave.”  
He looked at Jules. “I need you to leave the room, please. You have been here longer than you were supposed and…”  
“I know. Sorry.” Jules got up. “I’ll be back, Sara.”  
“Don’t bother, I won’t be here any longer. I see you around, Jules.”  
“Yeah.” The eyes of the other women didn’t look like she believed Sara’s words. Well, she would get to know Sara’s stubborn mind. And her antipathy for hospitals.   
“Miss Sidle…”  
“Cut through the chase, doctor. I wanna go home.”  
“You can’t.”  
“The last time I checked the United States of America were free and you can choose where you wanna be. I wanna be home.”  
“I’m sorry you need to stay longer.”  
“No.”  
“Miss Sidle, would you please get up.”  
“Sure.” She intended to get up and leave. With the support of her arms she sat up and… nothing. Her legs didn’t move a bit. Nothing. Desperately she tried to get up and found herself still in the same position. What was wrong with her? What was wrong with her legs?   
“What the fuck is going on?”  
“I’m sorry to tell you that at the moment you’re paralyzed.”  
“What do you mean with paralyzed?” Why couldn’t she be dead? Death seemed to be a better alternative to what life gave her. Especially after it got worse and worse every day.   
“You fell down a flight of stairs and there are some nerves in your back that got temporarily damaged. We will…”  
“I don’t want to hear this.”  
“Miss Sidle…”  
“No! No more words. Leave me alone. I’m tired.”  
“It’s important for you to understand…”  
Sara let herself fell back into the pillow, closed her eyes and did, what she had learnt as a little child. She closed her eyes and left the room. When her body wasn’t able to move, her mind was. Like when she was five she took the mind plane, how she had called it, and took off. Somewhere else. Somewhere without problems, hospitals, doctors. Back to what she remembered last as a nice place: death. Why wasn’t she dead?

When Sara came back to reality she had a plan and a visitor.   
“Greggo.” There he was, her best friend. Sitting next to her bed, holding her hand, his full attention on her.   
“Sara, how are you?”  
“Did they tell you what happened?”  
“No, they said they can’t tell me, I’m not family. All I got was the permission to sit here for a little while.”  
“I’m paralyzed, Greg. An useless gimp.”  
“You can never be useless.”  
“As a CSI I’m useless like this.”  
“You’re more than a CSI, Sara. There’s much more to you than being CSI Sidle.”  
Was there? She didn’t think so. Her life was her work and when she wasn’t able to work anymore what sense had her life left? None.   
“What am I good for? Rolling around in the lab? Driving over everybody’s toes? Serving evidence on wheels?”  
“You solve cases with your brain and your capability of coordinating and making the right conclusion.” His voice was a plead. A plead that she believes him. A plea that she started to realize she was more than a working human.   
“You’re a good friend, Greg.” Sara’s voice was tired. “The best I could have asked for. Do you know that I’m really happy that we met?”  
“How do you mean that?” These words sounded good, yet at the same time they sounded strange. Like they didn’t belong to here, to this situation.   
“I mean I’m glad we’re friends, that we met. Without you the last years had been not as good as they were. Without you I had left a long time before.”  
“Thanks…”  
“You’re a damn good CSI too. Keep your fresh mind, don’t become a boring scientist. The lab needs its loud music session, it keeps things fresh.”  
“Sara, you scare me a little bit. Why do you tell me all these things?”  
“Sorry. I’m tired Greg. Sorry. I’m sorry Greg.”  
“What for?”  
“Just tired.” Sara closed her eyes and squeezed his hand one more time. “I’ve always loved you, little brother.”  
“Sara…” By now Greg was scared. He checked on the machine, Sara was connected to. It hadn’t changed, the beep wasn’t faster nor slower. Maybe Sara was just tired and needed to rest. But it felt strange, so strange. 

Usually Jules didn’t care about her title. It didn’t make her special and for her, there was no reason to put the ‘doctor’ in front of her name when she introduced herself or wrote her name down. It was her job, a secretary or clerk also didn’t write nor mention their profession all the time. And she wasn’t better than they were.   
Today was different, today she used her title when she introduced herself as ‘Doctor Weinberg’ and demanded to see a patient. She wasn’t a medical doctor, she wasn’t a staff member of this hospital but nobody asked any questions. She was a doctor, she wore a white doctor’s overall and all nurses did what she asked for. Life could be easy when you used the right words, played the right game.   
Walking down the hallway she imagined herself working in a hospital again. She did that a few years ago, after she finished university and got her doctor’s degree she had been a psychologist in a hospital for three years. Years full of learning, developing her own sense for people and way of working before she left the hospital to have her own office. One of the best decisions she ever made. Now she was her own boss, had a lot of responsibility and work. All these things she liked.   
A short knock on the door and she stepped inside the room. It was a single room so there would be nobody else than Sara. Right when she closed the door she felt something was wrong. There was no sound of the machine that monitored Sara’s vital functions. Instead there was a strange smell in the air, familiar but wrong. Like iron, like…blood! When she realized what the smell was she saw it. There was a lot of blood. All over Sara, her bed and the floor.   
“Sara!” More blood. Blood dripping. Off the bed, out of the open wound at Sara’s left wrist. A single cut, vertical not diagonal. Serious, not a warning.   
“Shit!” Jules tried to hit the button for the nurse and pressed the first thing she got into her hands on the wound. She had to stop the bleeding. Anything else could wait, no time for checking a pulse. Stop the bleeding, fast.   
“Come on, you can’t do that, Sara. Don’t die on me. Please. Come on. Whatever happened there’s a way to handle it. Please. Come on.” So much blood. Was it possible to survive such a lost of blood`? Was it already too late? Damn it, why didn’t she come five minutes earlier? Why did she look for a parking-lot so long? She was a damn doctor, she could have parked right in front of the hospital and saved time. Saved Sara time. Time that could have saved her. No, not could have. She wasn’t too late. No fucking way! Sara wouldn’t die. Not today and not any time soon.   
After like ages a nurse came.   
“What…”  
“We need something to stop the bleeding! Fast! And a doctor. Hurry!”   
The nurse turned, yelled something down the hall and was back next to Jules.   
“Does she have a pulse?”  
“I don’t know, I tried to stop the bleeding first.”  
“You’re a doctor…”  
“I’m a psychologist, she needs a physician.”   
Two more nurses came in, they pushed Jules aside and started to work on the wound.   
“I can’t feel a pulse.”  
One nurse lifted Sara’s eyelid. “She’s not gone yet.”  
“She needs blood, we need to get her out of here.”  
“What happened?” Finally a doctor.   
“Attempted suicide, no pulse, looks bad.”  
“Get her out of here, she needs blood, we have to stop the bleeding.”  
Jules felt like in a nightmare. She saw how Sara’s bed was pushed out of the room, wanted to follow but her feet didn’t move. All she could do was stay and stare. At the place where the bed had been, the blood. So much blood. All this blood was from one single person, a person she knew. Wanted to know. Perhaps never get to know.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t your name.” There was nurse, Jules hadn’t seen her.   
“Doctor Weinberg.”  
“Are you working here?”  
“No. I…I wanted to see her.”  
“Are you family?”  
No, she wasn’t family. She wasn’t even a fiend. She was an affair, an one night stand of the last weekend. Not the kind of person you let to a patient, not somebody you tell if the patient survived. All Jules was a person, you send away, give some trouble for being here.   
“Yes.” Sometimes a lie was necessary. “Yes I am.” The only thing she knew about Sara was, she didn’t have family in Las Vegas. Why they talked about that, Jules couldn’t remember. It didn’t seem to be important, now it was. Now it made her the only one who was allowed to be here.   
“Her sister?”  
Sister? No. “I’m the only one she has.” 

Silence. There it was. The silence she wanted. The redemption.   
Her plan. After Greg left Sara thought about her plan again. Her life had never been worth a lot, now that she couldn’t work anymore it was worthless. So why keep it when you didn’t need it anymore? So far her life hadn’t been something she enjoyed a lot, loved a lot. Captured in a wheel chair made it even worse. There was no way she’d let this happen. This was her life and when she made the decision it was better to end it, she did that.   
Breaking the little bottle of water, she took a piece of the broken glass, pulled out the plug of her always beeping machine that was next to her bed and leant back. So this was her life. Things didn’t work out the way she hoped, planed, at least her last plan seemed to work out. Otherwise she hadn’t been able to pull the plug. It was a sign. A sign she was about to right thing.   
The glass felt cold on her skin. For a moment she hesitated then she started cutting. It didn’t hurt, not the way she expected. And she wasn’t scared. The further she cut the more relieved she felt. This would set her free. Blood was on her arm, her hand, dripped down on her bed. So many red dots on white sheets. Fast there weren’t dots anymore, there was a little blood pool. She had seen so many of these in all those years as a CSI. Now she became one of the women, who ended in a blood pool herself.   
Hopefully did Greg not see her like this. It would hurt him too much. He felt something was wrong when he was here, she knew it. It wasn’t his fault, he had been the only joy in her life. Her only true friend. Her death would hurt him but one day he was over it. He didn’t need her, he all he needed. She wasn’t a use for anybody.   
With closed eyes she waited for death to come. No more pain, no more worries. It was over. A few more minutes and she was finally free. 

It felt like hours. Jules was unable to sit down and wait. Like a tiger in a cage she paced around, again and again. Checked her watch, fought with herself to knock on the door and have a look what was going on inside. They were working on Sara. For like it felt an eternity. Why did they need so much time? Why did nobody leave the room and answer her questions? Something was going wrong, wasn’t it? Right now she wished she was a physician, that she had the skills to know what damage Sara did to herself. Why wasn’t she a medical doctor? She could have become a psychiatrist, they know the basic, with this profession she could be able to make a guess, a good one.   
Did she do the right things? Did she stopped the bleeding? Could she have done something more? Did she make it worse? So many questions. And guilt. Why didn’t she know what was going on with Sara? She was a damn psychologist, why didn’t she seen the other woman was suicidal? That was her damn job. Keeping people from killing themselves. Today she saw how good she was. She failed.   
“I’m sorry, are you working here?”  
Not another one who wanted to send her away. Couldn’t they just leave her alone? First all these suspicious looks when she washed her hands, now she got them for sitting around and wearing bloody clothes. Changing wasn’t as important as finding out what happened to Sara. Bloody dried, a life didn’t come back.   
“Do I look like that?”  
“Yes. Somehow. Or…are you a patient?”  
“No.” She looked up. A man stood in front of her, in his hands a little gift, wrapped in colorful paper. His dark blond hair was short, a little bit spicy.   
“I’m looking for a patient…Sara…Sidle. Do you know where she is, doctor?”  
Doctor? Yes, she was a doctor. Not that kind of doctor but who cared?   
“In there.”  
“Are they making tests because of her injuries? Her back?”  
What was wrong with Sara’s back? Why did he know more than she did? Was he actually a family member? Someone, who came to Vegas because of the accident?   
“Are you a family member?”  
“Yes.”  
The way he said it, it was obvious he lied. But who was she to judge him for it? She did the same and she lied to a real doctor. A doctor who worked here.   
Before Jules could answer a nurse came out of the room. Immediately the tall brunette was next to her.   
“How is Sara doing?”  
“Are you family?”  
“Yes. Her sister.”  
“And you?” The nurse looked at Greg.  
“Her brother-in-law.”  
“Okay. Your sister lost a lot of blood, is critical but if she survives the night she’ll make it.”  
“Do you need blood? She’s A positive, same like me. I can donate blood for her.” Jules offered.   
“Right now she’s fine but she’ll need more. You can go and donate, yes.”  
“I’m a zero positive, I can donate as well.”  
“Follow me, I show you where you can donate your blood.”  
In silent Greg and Jules followed the nurse into a little room. “Have a seat I’ll be back in a minute. Any diseases? Allergies? Do you take medicine?”  
“No.” Jules shook her head.   
“No.”  
“All right then.”  
When the nurse left Jules looked at Greg. “Are we married or are you married to another sister?”  
“I don’t know. How many sisters I don’t know of does Sara have? One is already a lot for an only child.” He smiled. “I’m Greg. Work colleague and friend.”  
“Jules.”  
“Is that…is that Sara’s blood on your clothes?”  
“Yes. I found her.”  
“What happened?”  
“She cur herself…vertical. This wasn’t a warning, it was supposed to be final.”  
“You saved her life.”  
“The doctor did that.”  
“He could do it because you found her. Since when do you know her?”  
“We met recently. You and her work together since she’s in Vegas?”  
“Yes…I know you from somewhere.”  
Jules sighed. There was no need to deny to play dumb. Sooner or later he would find out why she looked familiar to him.   
“Department shrink.” She had seen him. Talking to her colleague after the death of Warrick Brown. Now she remembered because of didn’t look like a CSI, he looked more like a college kid.   
“You work for the LVPD.”  
“Yes.”  
“Are you Sara’s shrink? They told her she had to see one.”  
“No. We met out of work and didn’t realize we have the same boss.” Until now Sara didn’t know about this. Jules realized after she was told she was supposed to talk to a Miss Sidle. The night before they had their appointment Miss Sidle had a work accident, Jules wanted to talk to her in hospital and found out, Miss Sidle was Sara. The first thing she did was calling her colleague. They couldn’t work together, not after their…not after they knew each other from out of work. Now her colleague, the same man Greg went to, was responsible for Sara.   
The nurse came back.   
“Misses…?”  
“Weinberg.”  
“Would you please roll up your sleeve?”  
“Sure.”  
“Same for you, Mister Weinberg.”  
For a second Greg wanted to correct the nurse then bit on his lips. The nurse thought they were married. Well, all Jules said was she was Sara’s sister and he introduced himself as Sara’s brother-in-law. Both were here, it made sense that they were married. As long as they both played this role they could get away with it. The truth didn’t give them any news about Sara. Sometimes lies were necessary. 

When Sara woke up she was confused. What happened to her room, why was everything so white, so…what…? Her hands were chained. Somebody chained her to her bed and she wasn’t in her room, she was in hospital. Why was she in hospital? Chained? All she could reach was the button for the nurse. Repeatedly she did exactly that. They better gave her a damn good reason why she was chained or she would sue them.   
“Good to see you awake, Miss Sidle.”  
“Why am I chained to the bed?” Her happiness would be gone very soon.   
“Because you tried to kill myself.”  
Sara’s eyes fell on the thick bandage around her left wrist. “I had my reasons.”  
“And we can’t let you do that.”  
“It’s my damn life…”  
“And our job to keep you alive.”  
“Why didn’t you look for somebody else? Usually nobody comes in here except for the meals.”  
“Your sister found you.”  
“What?” Since when did she have a sister?   
“She’s outside with your brother-in-law. We told them they can come in when you’re awake. They’ll be glad to see you alive. I get them in.”  
Sister? Brother-in-law? Was this nurse kidding her? She was an only child, so there was no sister and no brother-in-law. Who came up with a stupid story like this?  
“Hey little sis.”  
“Jules?” What was…”Greg?”  
“Yes, we came all the way from San Diego to see you. How are you?”   
Jules and Greg took a chair each and sat next to Sara’s bed. “The nurse gets the doctor, if you play this game with us, we can stay. It’s family only for your visitor list.” Jules whispered.   
“You…”  
“Ah Miss Sidle is awake, that’s good. How are you?”  
“Ready to sue you, doctor for chaining me to the bed.”  
“Now, now, when you take a suspect in custody you chain him as well. And after you tried to kill yourself you are like a suspect for me, I’ve to chain you to make sure you won’t try that again. Any pain?”  
“Yes, a pain in the ass called doctor. I want out.”  
“Your sister will explain to you that won’t happen. You lost a lot of blood and your back isn’t better yet. We have your stay extended.”  
“No.”  
“Sorry, that’s something we won’t discuss with you.” He checked on her vital functions and turned, pleased that everything seemed to be all right.   
“I’ll talk to you later. Enjoy your visitors.”  
“What makes him think he can get away with this?”  
“The law.”  
“What?”  
“Sara, you attempted suicide, it’s his job to make sure you won’t do that again. The restrains are the easiest way to stop you from cutting yourself again.” Jules said.   
“Why did you do that?” Greg’s eyes were filled with sorrow, pain and lack of comprehension.   
“My life isn’t worth living.”  
“It is.”  
“No, I’m a useless gimp.”  
“You’re not useless and you’re not a gimp. You’re paralyzed – temporally. In two or three weeks you’ll be able to walk again. Less than a month and you can work as a CSI again, keep the city save with Greg.”  
“What?”  
“Didn’t they tell you?”  
“No…maybe…” She didn’t listen when the doctor talked about her injuries. He said she was paralyzed and Sara stopped listening. “I didn’t listen to him anymore after he said I’m paralyzed.”  
“Two to three weeks, Sara. You can be a CSI again. Nothing will stop you from working with me.” Greg took her hand. “I want you back by my side. And even if you couldn’t work anymore, there’s no reason to kill yourself. You are special, we need you. I need you.”  
“Why do you feel guilty?” It hit her like a subway train. He was full of guilt. Why? It had been her decision, not his. He had nothing to do with her suicide attempt.   
“Because I felt something was wrong after I left you the last time. You were different and I didn’t tell anybody. Perhaps they had an eye on you when I had told them.”  
“There was nothing you could have done. Or they could have done, Greg. I did it because I wanted it. I didn’t want to live anymore.”  
“Do you…do you still feel the same?”  
Sara closed her eyes. Did she still prefer to be dead than alive? She wasn’t paralyzed, okay, she was but temporally. Two or three weeks. She could keep her job, her life.   
“I…I’m not sure…no…does it matter?”  
“It matters a lot, Sara. It matters to me.”  
“To you, yes. It doesn’t matter to them. They chained me, they won’t let me go.”  
“Of course they will, won’t they?” Greg looked at Jules. She was the doctor, she should know.  
“It depends. It’s possible that they let her go when her back and wrist are fine again.”  
“Or?” Sara knew there was a second possibility.  
“Or they want to observe you a little bit longer.”  
“They put me in the loony bin. And it doesn’t matter if I want that or not.”  
“Through the suicide attempt you lost a few rights, yes.”  
“Can’t you do anything, Jules?” Greg plead.   
“What is she supposed to do?” Sara asked.   
“She…”  
“She doesn’t know.” Jules interrupted him. “Yet. Sara and me never talked about my job. Sara, I’m a psychologist, one of the LVPD psychologists and I was assigned to talk to you.” With her hand Jules stopped Sara from interrupting her. “I denied this because we know each other from out of work, my colleague will talk to you sooner or later.”  
“It was you I had my appointment with?”  
“Yes. And I’m here as your friend, not as a psychologist.”  
“I thought as my sister?”  
“Right, as your sister. You made me marry a man I barely knew.”  
“You got the best man you can ask for.” Sara smiled at Greg.   
“Please give me a little bit more time with you. There are so many things I want to do with you. Not only work and learn from you. Venice. I want to drink a coffee with you in Venice, feet in sand, leant on a palm tree, watching the crazy people on the board walk and the surfer in the water. Can you promise me we’ll do that?”  
“Greg…” She didn’t want him blackmailing her. But was it blackmailing? Wasn’t it more a plea? A desperate plea to make sure she wouldn’t try to kill herself again?   
“I think I need to sleep.” Why was she this tired? Out of the blue it felt like somebody gave her a tranquilized.   
“Do that, we’ll be back later or tomorrow.” Jules stroke softly over Sara’s hand and turned towards Greg. “She needs to rest. The loss of blood, the painkillers, the shock. She can’t promise you anything today, give her some time to think. Otherwise you may talk her into lying to you.”  
“I want her alive. Happy.”  
“So do I. We have to wait what Sara wants. It’s her life, no matter if we like what we want. And if she really doesn’t want to live any longer, there’s nothing you, me or anybody else can do. Sooner or later she’ll find a way to end her life.” It had taken Jules a while to accept that some people didn’t want to live anymore and chose death over life. After losing a few patients she understood there was nothing she or anybody could do to stop them. It was impossible to protect somebody from themselves. 

When Jules came into the room the next day Sara was awake and still chained.   
“Hey, how are you?”  
“If you get me free I’m much better.”  
“Did they say when they’ll take them off?”  
“When their shrink tells them it’s safe. Unfortunately he and me aren’t friends.”  
“That’s too bad – for him. You’re a great person to have around, little sister.”  
“Where’s your husband.”  
“He worked a double and tries to come around later.”  
“Good.” Sara was quiet and waited until Jules sat next to her bed. “You found me?”  
“Yes.”  
“I’m sorry you had to see it.”  
“I’m glad I did. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier, in the best case early enough to stop you.”  
“They told me you did everything right, saved my life.”  
“If I did, are you mad about it?”  
“No.”   
“Really?”  
“I can go back to work, my life has a sense. I can right the wrongs of the world. If the department takes me back after my trip to the loony bin.”  
“You have to go there?”  
“Sounds like it. Except you can talk them out of that, Doctor Weinberg.”  
“If you want I can talk to your doctor but I doubt he’ll listen to me.”  
“You have to persuade him.”  
“No, you have to persuade him.”  
“The problem is as soon as I see him, I see red and can’t say the words I should say. Would you talk to him?”  
“What can I tell him?”  
Sara knew Jules didn’t ask for the words, she asked Sara if she would try to take her life again.   
“That I won’t do it again.”  
“He won’t believe you.”  
“How can I make believe me? Without going into the loony bin? Jules I…I don’t say I’m not crazy but…I don’t know if I can handle this kind of hospital. For a lot of reasons, not because I don’t like hospitals.”  
“Call him, I talk to him.”  
“Thanks.” Sara pressed the button and asked the nurse to get the doctor.   
“Did you find me here because you got assigned to work with me?” Jules never told her how she found her. The doctor was here when Sara woke up, somehow she knew where to find her.   
“Yes. I got a call that my patient is in hospital so I went here to have a look, make a new appointment. Then I saw you and knew, I can’t work with you. It’s against the rules and I’m not talking about the department rules. You can’t be the psychologist of your last one-night-stand.”  
“Now you’re the sister of your last one-night-stand.”  
“Yeah, whatever it takes to get through.” Jules thought quietly for a few seconds. “It wasn’t supposed to be more, I think.”  
“No. Not first. All I wanted was some distraction from…all the things that went wrong the last time.”  
“You left before I woke up.”  
“Because I was scared.”  
“Of what?”  
“I enjoyed you too much. Not only the sex, your company. Our agreement was it was one night only so I had to get me away before I fall even more for you. Didn’t work. You know, you were the reason why I opened my eyes. I heard your voice, I realized you were there and I wanted a look into your eyes. I like them.”  
“If you promise to do everything you can to stay alive and you can look into my eyes as much as you want.”  
“One night only?”  
“Agreements are important. It’s also important to renew them when you find out both parties prefer them in another way.”  
Sara smiled for the first time. “Sounds good. Sounds like something I want to experience.”  
“Good.” Jules squeezed Sara’s hand. “Then we have a deal.”  
“Or a new agreement.”  
The door got opened and the doctor came in. “I heard you’re more in a talking mood today, Miss Sidle.”  
“Actually it’s not me who wants to talk to you, it’s…my sister.”  
“Is that right, doctor Weinberg?”  
“Yes. Sara told me you think about sending her to a mental facility. Let me tell you, I understand that, she attempted suicide and that’s procedure. One possibility. Is there a chance we can take another possibility?”  
“Which is? Your sister isn’t cooperating with our doctors and as long as I don’t have a good psychiatrist who tells me, it’s no danger to send her home, she will stay. I know you’ve your doctor in psychology but as her sister, I can’t take your word.”  
“I understand. What about another expert?”  
“Who do you have in mind? Because our doctor is very good.”  
“Doctor Bendler.”  
“Doctor Bendler doesn’t take patients anymore. She has her patients and it’s common knowledge she doesn’t take new ones.”  
“Leave that problem to me. If I get her here and she talks to Sara, comes to the result this suicide attempt was a one time only thing, would you let her go home?”  
“If she agrees to see Doctor Bendler twice a week and won’t be alone for the first weeks we can talk about it. But you won’t get Doctor Bendler to do that. Not to come here, talk to Miss Sidle and even less to get her into her office twice a week. The money you need to be a patient of Las Vegas best psychiatrist and neurologist is more than you get as a CSI.”  
“Another one of my problems. But we have a deal? If Doctor Bendler says Sara can go home you won’t stop her?”  
“It’s impossible, but yes.”  
“I need your number so she can call you.”  
“What makes you think she will do that?”  
“I’m a psychologist, I can make people do a lot of things.”  
“No offense but I think you can’t manipulate Doctor Bendler.”  
“No offense taken.” Jules took the paper with the number of the doctor.   
“Good luck. Miss Sidle, your sister seems to be as stubborn as you are.”  
“It runs in the family. We’re very proud of it.” Sara shot back dryly. She waited until the doctor was gone before she continue to speak: “Who is this doctor you talked about?”  
“The best psychiatrist and neurologist in Las Vegas.”  
“If this man is top end, he wants top end money and as our doctor said, I don’t have this money.”  
“As I told him, that’s my problem I intent to handle.” Jules got her cell phone out, checked the time and dialed a number. To let Sara listen to her conversation she put the call on speaker.   
“Hello Honey, how are you?”  
“Hi, I’m fine, thanks. Mom, I need a favor.”  
“The last time you said that you were sixteen and wanted to get married with Kenny the quarterback. If your favor is something equal stupid I’ll say no again. Consider a good dinner as a start for your favor.”  
“You were right about Kenny and no, this isn’t about me getting married. I need you to come to Desert Palm and talk to a patient.”  
“The last time I checked they had a bunch of doctors themselves. Why would I come there and talk to their patients?”  
“Because you’re the best.”  
“Send the patient to my office, my secretary can have a look for an appointment.  
“We both know you’re booked for the rest of the year and too expensive for any normal person.”  
“A normal person doesn’t need a psychiatrist.”  
“Mom, please.”  
Doctor Bendler sighed. “Tell me more. Two sentences.”  
“I need you to come down here, talk to Miss Sidle and tell the doctor afterwards what you think. And it would be helpful if you can take over therapy for a while.”  
“That’s more than one favor.”  
“Please, mom.”  
“Why, Jules?”  
“Because it’s important to me.”  
“You better add a very good bottle of wine to that dinner. Seven sharp.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Stop wasting my time. Give me the number of the doctor in charge so I can talk to him or her and you better have a direct incoming selection, I won’t stay on hold for a second.”  
“555-53959472. Thanks mom.”  
“Seven. Sharp.” The call was ended.   
Jules sighed and smiled. “Done.”  
“Mom? She’s your mother?”  
“Yes. Stubbornness isn’t the only thing that runs in the family. She’s a psychiatrist and neurologist which can be helpful with your legs too. Dad is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, my brother is a neurologist and surgeon, I’m the only one without a medical doctor.”  
“Your new sister has no doctor title at all.”  
“That’s no problem for me.” Jules smiled again. “Will you talk to my mom?”  
“She doesn’t seem to be one of these pansy psychiatrists who pretends she understands everything and knows exactly what I feel, what I’m going through.”  
“No, she isn’t into this.”  
“She stroke more as a no-nonsense person.”  
“Yes. When you screw up she’ll tell you in exactly these words. I’m surprised that her big money clients stick with her but she’s the best and so she’s entitled to talk to them in a way other people can’t.”  
“You think she’ll really come to me?”  
“My guess? She finishes her last client at four, she’ll be here half an hour later and will talk to you. Prepare yourself for it.”  
“Thanks Jules.”  
“Don’t thank me before you talked to her.”  
“She’s a chance. A Chance they didn’t want to give me here. And when your mother says I can go home I’ve a chance to go.”  
“When she says you can go home you will go home. No doctor will argue with her. Not when they’re not absolutely stupid.”  
“No comment on that.” Sara grinned.   
“You better prepare yourself for her and I go and prepare dinner. When she says seven sharp she means seven sharp and not a second after seven.”  
“How can I thank you for that?”  
“Promise me you won’t ever try to kill yourself. That’s all I want.”  
“I promise.”  
“Thanks.” Jules hugged Sara and kissed her cheek. “Say hi to my husband.”  
“I will…whoever Kenny the quarterback is, Greg is better.”  
“He is, no doubt about that. We all do and plan crazy things when we’re young. Like planning on marrying Kenny.” Jules shook her head. She had forgotten about that, it lasted for a summer and ended before Christmas. Thanks to her mother there wasn’t a marriage she had to regret. She learnt from her mistake and there weren’t any more Kennys in her life – and when they were there, she didn’t want to marry them. 

“Miss Sidle, I heard you’re not happy with the position you put yourself in.”   
Sara almost choked on her tea. The woman who stormed into her room didn’t bother to knock or tell her her name first. This entry was more like the return of a revenge angel than the arriving of the helping hand. Doctor Bendler, she assumed. Not as tall as Jules, reddish blonde curls – also not like Jules and an attitude Sara felt right away.   
“I…yes.”  
“So you let your psychologist call me in. What do you think will happen during this meeting? What is your goal?”  
“Showing and telling you that I don’t want to go to the loony bin.”  
“You attempted suicide, what makes you think you don’t belong there?”  
No nonsense, no ‘I understand’ and no careful questions. Sara had been warned that Doctor Bender wouldn’t use velvet gloves. The psychiatrist was more than straight forward.   
“I…I didn’t…I won’t do it again.”  
“How comes?”  
“I thought I couldn’t walk anymore, couldn’t work anymore. Without work I didn’t see any reasons to keep on living.”  
“And now you do see some reasons?”  
“I can work again in three or four weeks.”  
“Why does your life makes no sense without work?”  
“Without work I’m…” Sara wanted to say nothing but that was the wrong words to use when a shrink was around. “…I’ve nothing to do. It’s all I have, I can do.”  
“What about a life outside the work? Family? Friends?”  
“Colleagues.”  
“So basically when you lose your job your life is senseless.”  
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” That couldn’t be good. She had to give the right answers otherwise this doctor would send her straight to the loony bin. Probably tonight.   
“Doctor Bendler…I know it was wrong to cut my wrist, I found that out. And I know I need to get a life outside work and that I have to learn that I’m a person worth loving not because of my work but because of me. I want to learn that. I want to have a healthier relationship to myself but I don’t think staying in a psychiatric facility will help me.”  
“A place with a lot of trained people can’t help you?”  
“No.”  
“How’s that?”  
Sara bit on her lips.   
“You don’t want to go there you better talk and answer questions, Miss Sidle. If you decide to be quiet I see that as a sign you don’t want to talk to me, I don’t want me to understand. If I don’t understand I can’t do anything else than agreeing with my colleague.”  
Blackmailing. It sounded like blackmailing. The problem was Sara had nothing to do against it. She needed the help of the doctor, apparently she was the only one who could help Sara.   
“My mother is in a mental facility. She killed my father when I was almost thirteen and suffers from schizophrenia.” If reality got her into the loony bin it was bad luck. Jules told her doctor Bendler was the best, so she wouldn’t come up with a conclusion like Sara tried to kill herself because she had schizophrenia too.   
“Just because your mother has this disorder it doesn’t mean you have it too. Did you ever have any signs of schizophrenia?”  
“No. Beside the attempted suicide.”  
“Do you blame that on schizophrenia? Did you hear voice telling you to do it? Saw somebody who killed himself and wanted you to join?”  
“No!”  
“Why did you do it?”  
“Because the doctor told me I’m paralyzed and I thought my life was over.”  
“You’re not paralyzed, not for longer than two or three weeks. I’m sure your doctor told you.”  
“Probably.”  
“What do you mean with probably?”  
“That means after I heard him saying I’m paralyzed I stopped…kind of stopped listening.”  
“You stopped listening?”  
“The next thing I remember is that Greg, my colleague, was here. And I had the plan to kill myself.”  
“How much time was between that and your doctor’s talk?”  
“An hour? Two? I don’t know. Why is that important?”  
“It has to do with your suicide attempted, everything about this is important. Are you willing to see somebody twice a week to get help, talk about your thoughts?”  
“If that lets me stay out of a hospital, yes.”  
“Can you tell your therapist or somebody else that you have suicide feelings in case they come back? Can you trust somebody enough to say them out loud?”  
Sara thought for a moment about Jules. Could she tell Jules? She had the feeling she could tell Jules everything which was ridiculous, they barely knew each other. Was it possible to be so close to somebody after this little time they spent together?   
“Yes.”  
“Who? After you told me before you don’t have family and friends.”  
“I think I can tell it doctor Weinberg.”  
“Who isn’t your department psychologist.”  
“No.”  
“Are you friends?”  
“She was there for me and I feel like I can talk to her about everything. And I promised her I won’t try to kill myself again. I keep my promises, Doctor Bendler.”  
“That’s noble. Now, tell me more about your back. What happened that you can’t move your legs anymore.”  
“I…I don’t know. We need to ask a doctor about that.”  
“You don’t know anything about condition? You really should listen to your doctor, Miss Sidle. Do you remember what I told you so far?”  
“Every single word.” That wasn’t a lie. Sara could repeat the whole conversation. She knew this was her chance and she paid a lot of attention to all details. 

“Stop keep me hanging on, mom. What’s your decision?” Jules had been patient the whole time she and her mother had dinner. Now that they sat together with a coffee in the living room she wanted an answer to the question that was burning under her nails.   
“What makes you think I made a decision yet.”  
“I know you. So?”  
“What is your relationship to Miss Sidle?”  
“Why?”  
“Because apparently she’s your sister what makes her my daughter. I didn’t know I’ve got a second daughter.”  
“The hospital has a ‘family only’ policy and I told them I’m her sister so I could see her. By the way, I also have a husband and no, it’s not Kenny.”  
“I’m sure you’re over Kenny. An alibi husband and an alibi sister. Why is it important for you to see her?”  
“Don’t ask question you know the answer to.”  
“Are you sleeping with her?”  
“I did. Last Saturday. It was supposed to be an one-night-stand.” They always been open to each other and when her mother asked her a straight question Jules answered it the same way. In high school she tried it with hiding and some lies, found out it got her nothing than trouble while the truth never got her any trouble – even when her mother wasn’t happy with what she did or wanted to do.   
“What does supposed to be mean?”  
“It means that it’s complicated. I realized when we talked that evening I like her. It was fun, she has humor, is smart and knows what she wants. At the same time there was a certain amount of insecurity that made it clear, she needed somebody who was there for her. She hasn’t told me much about her life, I know there had been some rather nasty things. Anyway, when I woke up Sunday noon she was gone. Two days later I got a new client, was supposed to meet her after her shift, early in the morning. Before I get in to work I get a call she had an accident and is at Desert Palms. I went there to reschedule. When I found out Miss Sidle is Sara, I called my colleague and told him, I know my new client from outside work and he will take over.   
It should have been the end of the story but she told me she has no family here and waking in hospital is bad. Waking up without somebody next to your bed is even worse. So I used my doctor title, stayed a little bit. She woke up, I got sent away by her doctor. The next day I used my doctor title on a nurse again and when I found Sara covered in blood I changed to being her sister from San Diego.   
I’ve no idea what will happen between us but we agreed that an old agreement can be renewed when both parties don’t like the old version anymore. She told me she woke up because she heard my voice and wanted to see me.   
Mom, I like her. Despite the fact I barely know her. I want to know her and she promised me she won’t try to kill herself. I believe her and it’s not because I want to believe her. The psychologist in me also believes her.”  
“Do you know why she wanted to die?”  
“Because she thought she’s paralyzed and can’t work anymore. Her work seems to be the center of her life. Why she didn’t hear that her doctor told her it’s only temporarily I’ve no idea.”  
“Make an educated guess.”  
Jules hated it when her mother something and wanted her to find it out without giving her any clues.   
“She said she didn’t listen anymore after he said paralyzed. Could be a shock. Or more.”  
“Like what?”  
“Mom, I’m fishing if I go on. Why don’t you tell me what you know?”  
“I can’t. Doctor – patient confidentiality. You get your favor, I work with her. For now. You having a relationship with her makes it more complicated. Plus I don’t think I’m the best choice as a therapist for her. She needs somebody more…softly to open up completely. Today she did it because she was scared she has to go to a mental facility.”  
“What did you say about this topic? And don’t give me the confidentially shit or I’ll leave right now and drive to Desert Palms and ask her.”  
“Don’t try to threaten me Jules, that never worked out. I told her doctor in my opinion she won’t try another suicide any time soon. What happens in a few years nobody knows. He lets her go, she’ll come twice a week to see me, not only because of the suicide but also for her back.”  
“Are the two to three weeks realistic?”  
“I got the information today and haven’t had a good look at them. So far I’d say yes.”  
“Temporary paralysis is typically brought on by swelling or pressure on the nervous system resulting from a spinal cord injury of some kind. The night she had the accident she fell down a flight of stairs after a suspected assaulted her. The swelling is capable of inhibiting certain nervous system functions, preventing her from moving her legs. When the swelling subsides the temporary paralysis goes and her nervous system functionality is able to return. In her case the two to three weeks. Right?”  
“I’m glad you leant a few things.”  
“My mom wanted me to be a neurologist.”  
“Your mom will make sure your friend walks again. Will you stay with her when she gets home? She’ll be a wheelchair first and it’s better – also for the mental problems – when she isn’t alone.”  
“I don’t know, we haven’t talked about that. We haven’t talked about what will happen with us, all we know is, we don’t want it to be over. What this second chance will give us, we have to find out. If she wants me around, I’ll be there. And so will Greg, I’m certain about that.”  
“Greg is her colleague?”  
“Yes, her brother-in-law. My husband. I’ll introduce you one day, you’ll be delighted about the change of my taste in men. From quarterback to CSI/DNA specialist.”  
“Just knowing his profession is enough to know he suits you better than Kenny. You need brains and not brawns. Kenny’s arms were full like a turkey on Thanksgiving, his head was empty like your wallet after a weekend away.”  
Jules chuckled. That was a nice comparison.   
“Yes, Greg is smart.”  
“Which doesn’t help him because you aren’t interested in men. I’m glad you found that out after Kenny.”  
“Other mothers prefer their daughter seeing men so they’ll get pregnant and give them a lot of grandchildren.”  
“I want to see my daughter happy and men don’t make her happy.” Jules’s mother took her daughters hand. “If Miss Sidle makes you happy I’ll do everything to make her happy and healthy.”  
“Thanks mom.” Jules hugged her. She knew she could count on her mother. They had never let each other down. 

“How is the soon to be out of hell patient?” Jules felt like hugging Sara when she came into the room and saw her sitting on the bed, reading a science magazine. This was the Sara she wanted to see, alive, awake and already back into work business.   
“Better. Did your mother tell you everything?”  
“No, she isn’t allowed to do so. But she did tell me that she suggested you should leave and not go to another hospital. People don’t do the opposite of what mom suggested. It’s an unwritten law.”  
“Okay, I try to remember that. She’ll take care of me when I’m out of here. Of my head and my back.”  
“You got the best.”  
“Thanks to you.”  
“That’s what family is for.”  
“We can tell them the truth, the ‘family only’ rule is gone. I’m allowed to have ordinary visitor.”  
“Does that mean Greg and me get divorced? That’s a pity, he’s cute.”  
“He is, yes.” Sara didn’t let Jules tease her. Not with Greg. Her best friend was cute and she was happy to have him. He had been here early in the morning after he finished his shift and promised to be back later.   
“Do you know when you can leave?”  
“The day after tomorrow. They’ll organize home care. Apparently to make sure I don’t have too many problems at home sitting in the wheel chair.”  
“You don’t believe that.”  
“Jules, please. That might be a reason too but they want a watchdog to make sure I don’t try to kill myself.”  
“Home care comes around twice a day, if you want to kill yourself there’s plenty of time in between.”  
“I’m aware of that. They don’t have to come at all, I won’t kill myself. I’ve a promise to keep. Plus there are some reasons to stay alive.”  
“Like work?”  
“Even outside work.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.” Sara smiled and squeezed Jules’s hand. “I want to find out what will happen with us.”  
“What would you like to happen?”  
“A lot. I want to spend a lot of time with you, get to know you.”  
“Want me to be your home care?”  
“Then you have to live with Greg. He offered to be around when I go home and I took his offer.”  
“Isn’t one person enough?”  
“Depends on the people. You and Greg are fine.”  
“Okay, then I’ll be there too. As your friend and not as a psychologist.”  
“Very good, two appointments per week with your mother are enough. I appreciate what you did for me, what she does for me but…” A knock on the door made Sara stop. “Come in if you’re not a doctor.”  
“Hey.” Jules protested with a smile.  
“You’re the only doctor who is allowed to be here whenever she wants…Sofia!?”  
“Hi, I wanted to see how you are.”  
“Uhm…I’m all right…Detective Curtis meet Doctor Weinberg.”  
“I didn’t know your doctor is in…”  
“I’m not her physician.”   
“Oh, okay.” Sofia was obviously not completely comfortable in her position.   
“Why don’t I let you talk alone? I’ve to get back to work anyway. Do you want a coffee and donuts later, Sara?”  
“Yes. Decent coffee is hart to get here.”  
“Black?”  
“Dark black.”  
“Order is taken. It was nice meeting you, Detective Curtis.”  
“You don’t have to leave, Doctor Weinberg.”  
“Actually I do. There are patients waiting for me. Later Sara.”  
“Later Jules. Thanks.”  
“You’re welcome.”   
Sara couldn’t deny that she felt a little bit when Jules left the room. She wanted her around the whole day. Soon. When she could leave and Jules came with her. Spending the whole day with Greg and Jules sounded great.   
“They said you’re temporarily paralyzed.”  
“Yes. Why don’t you sit down, Sofia? There’s a free chair, no need to stand. And don’t tell me you will leave in a minute or two. You didn’t come here for two or three minutes. It’s noon, you either worked until now or had a very short sleep period.”  
“I worked until now.”  
“Did you solve the case?”  
“The suspect is in custody. He doesn’t talk but we have all the evidence we need. He will pay for what he did to the family and to you, Sara. I’m so sorry what happened, he shouldn’t have been there, we cleared the house, thought we cleared it.”  
“Sofia, he came in through a window because he forgot something. Greg told me about it, it wasn’t your fault. Nor the fault of one of the officers. And if I had reacted faster I could have use my gun and stop him instead of having him me throwing down the stairs.”  
“You got hurt.”  
“Yes. And I’ll be fine.” She sounded confident, it surprised herself a bit. “And I guess it’s an open secret that I tried to kill myself, so I tell you, I won’t do it again. It was a stupid thing to do, unnecessary. There won’t be any time in a mental facility, they let me get away with private consulting.”  
“That’s good. I mean that you won’t try it again. You scared me, Sara.” The voice of the blonde was shaken and Sara saw, Sofia was fighting to hold back tears.   
“Come here.”  
“What.”  
“Come here.” Sara petted on the spot next to her. Sofia obeyed and sat next to Sara on the bed. Immediately she was pulled into the brunette’s arms. “I’m fine. Really. Give me two or three weeks and I can walk again and will be as good as new.”  
“I liked the old Sara, don’t need a new one.”  
“Maybe the old Sara needs some new arrangements.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like therapy to chase her old demons away. There are a lot of things in my life you don’t know of, Sofia.”  
“I was always aware of that.”   
“And you never asked questions you know I wouldn’t answer. I appreciated and still appreciate it. This could be the time, the chance, to change that. I don’t know but apparently I’ve the best therapist.”  
“Who’s that?”  
“Doctor Bendler.”  
“From what I’ve heard about her, she’s the best. I saw her in court a few times. And the most expensive one. How do you pay her?”  
“Isn’t a smile from me more worth than money?”  
“Yes. For me it is.”  
“Don’t try to charm me.”  
“Never.”  
“All the time.” Sara kissed Sofia’s cheek. Their relationship had been short, very short. In less than a month they found out they weren’t lovers, only friends. At least Sara found that out, Sofia had struggled a while, wanted to give them another chance. Now they were friends and even when it was sometimes odd or complicated, they managed to stay close. But not that close that they colleagues knew about them.  
“You like it when a beautiful and charming blonde makes you some compliments.”  
“I do?”  
“Yes. Tell me about Doctor Weinberg. What’s her part of the puzzle?”  
“She saved my life.”  
“Isn’t she the department shrink?” Sofia was sure she had seen the other woman somewhere. Work related.   
“Yes she is. But I know her from outside work.”  
“Sara Sidle is friend with a shrink. I never thought that could happen.”  
“Unfortunately the people don’t introduce themselves as shrinks, sometimes you just don’t know who stands in front of you.”  
“Didn’t she introduce herself as Doctor Weinberg?”  
“No. She strikes me as a person who doesn’t care about her doctor title. Not unless it helps her, like getting into a hospital room because no nurse questions you when you say you’re a doctor and want to see a patient.”  
“She must be special.”  
“Why?”  
“You want her here. Like it or not, I know you a bit, Sara and having people around, especially when you’re not well, isn’t your cup of tea. Plus the only place you run into people outside work is a club and there’s only one club you go to.”  
“You’re my ex, it’s none of your business.”  
“As your ex lover it isn’t my business, no, as your current friend it is.”  
“Who said you’re my friend?”  
“I do. You did. It’s all right, I won’t ask more questions, except one: can I do something for you? Is there anything you need?”  
“Actually yes. Could you get me some clothes? I hate these hospital clothes.” Sara had been in her hospital shirt and shorts and she felt like she was about to get into a huge operation. She wanted her own clothes, her own toothbrush and her shampoo. Jules had never been in her condo and Greg…she wanted to ask Greg when he came here tonight. If Sofia did it even better, she knew where everything was.  
“Sure. What do you need?”  
“Everything for two or three days. I can go home then.”  
“Give me your keys and I get you your stuff.”  
“Thanks. This way I don’t have to ask Greg if does it tonight.”  
“You want Greg packing your undies?”  
“Why not? I’m sure he doesn’t have an undie fetish. He’s my friend, I don’t mind him getting through my things. He respects my private life.”  
“So do I.” Sofia stroke softly over Sara’s cheek. “Get some rest, you look tired. I bet they give you some strong pain killers. Sleep and when you wake up your clothes are almost there.”  
“Thanks Sofia.”  
“You’re welcome.”  
"And I'll be happy to see you, I always am. Can you do me one more favor?"  
"Whatever you want."  
"Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. You're the best detective in the world, you did everything right. Sometimes life plays unfair and there's nothing you can do."  
"The next time I stay right next to you the whole time."  
"All you want is stare at my ass while I work."  
"That's a nice side effect of taking care of you. Get some rest, you're tired. I'll be back tonight." Sofia kissed Sara's cheek one more time. She was relieved to see Sara was better and hoped, it wouldn't take longer than two or three weeks before the brunette could walk again.

“A delivery for Miss Sidle. Miss Sidle, I’ve got a packet for you. Fresh undies, very sexy and smooth.” Greg held a bag in front of Sara’s eyes.   
“What happened to Sofia?”  
“She got called in and asked me to bring you your stuff.”  
“Thanks.”  
“I carried your undies.”  
“Worse, I wanted to ask you to pack them in the first place. Sofia showed up the noon so I asked her. I know you won’t do silly things with my underwear.”  
“No, I’m not a panty sniffer. I prefer your underwear with you inside. You look better.”  
“I feel better since I know I can go home. Did you pack your bag?”  
“Sure. Me moving in with you, a dream comes true. I can bring you breakfast to bed every morning.”  
“Now that sounds like one of my dreams come true. A young, sexy man who brings me my breakfast. I’m sure I booked that. Come here Sexy, get your kiss for carrying my clothes.” She pulled him into her arms and kissed him straight on his lips.   
“Wow, I carry your stuff every day from now on.”  
“Thought so.”  
He gave her a good look over. “You look much better, Sara. This time your words don’t scare me anymore. Is that the work of your shrink?”  
“More of your wife. Why didn’t you tell me you got married, by the way?”  
“Sorry, I thought your sister told you.”  
“No, she didn’t. You’re both liar.”  
“If lies get me to you I lie.”  
“Did you both knew the other one was lying?”  
“Yes. We both knew you’re an only child. The nurse didn’t, we used that and donated our blood for you. A part of me is in you. Very romantic if you ask me.”  
“What? I didn’t know that.”  
“Not? Jules and me donated blood for you after she found you. You lost a lot of blood and needed a few pints.”  
“Thanks. I guess that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. No wonder they wanted to send me to the loony bin.”  
“You don’t belong in a loony bin, you belong on graveyard shift with me. We all miss you. I caught Sofia whining that nobody bitches around anymore since you’re gone. She misses you a lot.”  
Perhaps she should tell Greg about her and Sofia. One day. First she had to clear that with the blonde. He was her best friend, he wouldn’t say stupid things, annoy them. Not her Greggo. Like he should know about Jules – well, that would happen pretty soon when they all lived in Sara’s condo. Gosh, she had two people in her condo and looked forward to this. That was plain crazy.   
“She’ll survive. Oh, I forgot to tell you something about you staying with me.”  
“Don’t tell you have changed your mind.”  
“No, I haven’t. I invited somebody else as well.”  
“Whom?”  
“Jules. She asked if I need some company, if she should stay with me and I told her she can do that when she can live with the fact that you’re there too. Apparently she can live with this. You’ll share a condo with your wife.”  
“Do I get your bed for my wife and me?”  
“You do get my bed because you need to sleep during the day while I sit on the couch.”  
“Alone in your bed. Not the fantasy I had. Don’t you want to join me for a little nap?”  
“No. It’s all yours, Greg.”  
“What a pity.” He smirked. “How about your legs?”  
“According to my doctor the swelling is still there but gets smaller every day. I can’t move my legs at the moment but he has no doubt that I’ll walk again with in the next three weeks. I can’t run a marathon, have to train my muscles a bit again but I’ll be able to work.”  
“That’s what I want to hear. And you can cope with the situation?”  
“I won’t harm myself, Greg. Three weeks, that’s a timeline I can handle.” She pulled him closer. “I’m so sorry I scared you. Really.”  
“Why don’t we forget it? You survived, won’t do it again, it’s over.”  
“Deal.” She had to talk about this again when she was in therapy. Doctor Bendler wouldn’t let her leave without talking about her suicide attempt. 

“Home sweet home.” Sara took a deep breath. Back in her condo, out of hospital. No more nurses, no more doctors – okay one doctor was still with her. Her favorite doctor. Jules.   
“You’re driving the wheelchair like your car.”  
“Fast and perfect? I know Greg.”  
“Fast and breathtaking.”  
“You made so much space for me, I can use that.” He had tried to make Sara’s condo more suitable for the wheelchair, moved a few things away so she could roll through into every room.   
“What’s the first thing you want to do?”  
“Order a pizza, change into something comfy and have a beer on the couch.”  
“No alcohol. You’re still on pain killers.”  
“Spoilsport.”  
“Love you too. I put my things in your room, a little bag will do. I can go home every second day and get new stuff. If you write me a list I go shopping for you.”  
“I’ve wheels, I can do it myself.”  
“Sure. How do you get down the stairs with your wheels?”  
Sara grumbled. There was an elevator in the house her condo was in but before you could reach it you had to climb five steps. Impossible for her at the moment.   
“I’m a prisoner in my own condo.”  
“Wanna go back to hospital?” Greg smirked.   
“No!”   
“Stop whining. I take you out once a day.”  
“Now I feel like a dog.”  
He looked at her without words. The doorbell rang and saved Sara his answer. She got herself into the living room and switched on the TV. Brainless afternoon talk shows, her new life for the next weeks.   
“Hey, how are you?” Jules came into the living room, a little backpack hanging over her right shoulder.   
“Happy to be home. Only the butler sucks, he’s too cheeky and treats me like a dog.”  
“Have you been an annoying patient again?”  
“Are you on his side?”  
“Do I have to take a side?”  
“Yes.”  
“I take my side.” Jules put her backpack aside and sat next to Sara. “You look better now that you’re home.”  
“Hospital doesn’t suit me. It was about time I got out. Now the only thing I’ve to cope with is home care. Although my plan is to tell the nurse on wheels she can stay away, I can wash myself and don’t need her to get me into my shower. Somehow I will manage.”  
“Want a doctor who helps you?”  
“Since when does a doctor do the nursing stuff?”  
“Only for special patients.”  
“How many special patients do you have?” Sara moved closer to Jules. Not that easy when you couldn’t move your legs and had to lean over.   
“One.”  
“Decaf coffee for the doctor and the whining patient. Pizza will be here soon.”  
“Thanks Greggo.” The look Jules gave Sara answered the question she asked without words. It was time to tell him something. “Greg, I need to tell you something?”  
“What is it?” He sat down, sipped his coffee.   
“There’s a reason why Jules stays here.”  
“She made the top end shrink of the city talk to you for insurance money. I’m sure she didn’t ask her mother to do that because you met once while you both waited for a coffee.”  
“Actually it was a cocktail. Without ice.” Sara grinned. Jules was the first one she met who didn’t want ice in her cocktail. Like Sara she thought it was a waste of space for better ingredients.   
“So?”  
“So we had a few cocktails and a night together. Last Saturday. And because we both realized whatever is between us is too good to be wasted as an one-night-stand we made the decision we will see what will happen if we try it.”  
“I knew my wife is cheating on me. With her own sister. That’s illegal.”  
“That was the downside of my lie. Unfortunately the sister thing was the first thing that came to my mind.”  
“Means you can sleep in her bed while she is in there while I’ve to sleep there alone. Not fair.”  
“Life’s a bitch.” Jules smiled and took Sara’s hand. “Talking about bitches, shall I drive you over to my mom’s office tomorrow?”  
“We talk about bitches and you think about your mom? I won’t mention that in therapy. Yes, if you take me over it would be nice. Otherwise I’ve to wake up Greg or call a taxi.”  
“No, I take you. You can wake him up with a little kiss after therapy.”  
“You allow her to kiss me?”  
“Greg, I won’t tell Sara what to do and what not. She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. As long as her life isn’t at risk I won’t interfere with her plans.”  
“Won’t happen anymore. Does your mother know about…us?”  
“I asked a personal favor, the same evening she was over for dinner. Do you think she didn’t want to know why I want her to help you?”  
“What she wants to know and what you tell her might be two pairs of shoes.”  
“We have an agreement that as long as we’re honest to each other nobody will try to stop the other one. Yes, she knows about us, I told her everything so if she tries to test you, know can be honest – which you should be the whole time anyway. She catches you lying you’ll be in big trouble. And believe me, she will catches you.”  
“I got that impression. Okay. The truth and nothing but the truth for your mom. Do I have to fear her?”  
“No.”  
“Sure? During the conversation with her I had to feeling she does eat some of her clients alive.”  
“Only the ones who lie to her and work against her therapy.”  
“Giving the fact she works for some high class assholes makes me think she kicks their asses. Really impressive.”   
“You checked on my mom? How?”  
“I’ve my sources.” Sara smirked. Sofia had provided her with information about her soon to be therapist.   
“Your sessions could be interesting, I wish I could listen to them.”   
The doorbell rang.   
“I get your pizza and then I need to say goodbye because my shifts starts earlier today. Jules, as my loving wife, take care of my best friend, your sister, will you?”  
“Of course.”  
“Good.” Greg vanished to get the pizza.   
“Are you really fine with seeing my mom?”  
“It’s nothing I want to do but it’s something that keeps me home. So it’s all right. Do you know how long I’ve to go?”  
“No, that’s up to you and her.”  
“But? I can see and hear there’s a but.”  
“I’m not sure if you want to hear my but.”  
“Try me.”  
“But I think you should try psychotherapy for a while. With her somebody else, that’s up to you. I just think it could be helpful for you.”  
“Not my cup of tea.”  
“I know.”  
“I’ll think of it.”  
“Of what? Here’s your pizza.” Greg placed the pizza in front of them on the table. “Will you think of me?”  
“All the time. No, Jules thinks I should have psychotherapy.” Usually she wouldn’t share things like this with Greg or anybody else. Maybe being more open to her friends helped her too. If she had talked to the doctor in the first place she had known right from the beginning she was temporarily paralyzed and ant forever. So one of the things she wanted to change in her life was being more open and talk more to friends and people who could help her.   
“Isn’t it what you’ll do with her mother?”  
“No, that’s not therapy.”  
“Well, if it helps you, why not? I’ve no clue about these things. My wife is the expert. Trust her, she wants the best for you.” Greg kissed Sara on her cheek. “I need to go. Shall I get some breakfast for us?”  
“You’ll be back by seven, I want to sleep longer. They kicked me out of bed so early in hospital and when I’m back in lab I can’t sleep in either.”  
“In that case I join you in bed.”  
“If you can live with the fact that I probably wake you up when I get up.”  
“No problem for me. What about you, my wife? Is it a problem for you when I share a bed with your sister?”  
“She’s old enough to know what she does.”  
“That answer tells me, you and her should talk about that and I’ll ask tomorrow morning again. Will you be awake around half past six?”  
“Yes. I’ve to be at work at eight.”  
“I get breakfast for you too. See you tomorrow, girls.”  
“Leggo my Greggo.”  
“Bye husband, earn us some money.”  
He blinked at them and left.   
Sara opened the pizza box and offered Jules a slice. At the same moment her stomach made a lot of noise.   
“Yeah, yeah, you get your food. It’s not like I didn’t fill you the last days.”  
“With hospital food.”  
“That’s a good point. Okay stomach, you have reasons to cry out for some real food. Extra cheese. I love Greg, he’s great.”  
“Is that why you want him in your bed?”  
“I want him in my bed because if he sleeps on the couch I can’t use the living room the whole day. It’s much easier this way…is it a problem for you? I can get up with you and then Greg will be alone in the bed. Or is the whole bed thing a problem?”  
“To be honest it’s strange that you want him to join you in bed while don’t really know what we want for us. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just…odd.”  
“I can understand that. I get up with you and he’ll be alone. If I’m tired I can have a little nap on the couch, it’s comfortable too.”  
“Sara…”  
“No, Jules. I want you comfortable and happy with the decisions I make. Greg and me in one is odd for you so it won’t happen.”  
“Is it important for you to have him there?”  
“No, it was handy. Sleeping on the couch is also comfortable. I want you happy.” Sara took Jules’s hand. “Tell me what we’re going to do.”  
“We finish our pizza now.”  
“After that?”  
“We decide then. Step by step. Do you want some wine? If you have some.”  
“I’m still on painkillers, Doctor Weinberg.”  
“We share a glass.”  
“In the cabinet is some red wine.”  
Jules got up, got the wine, took the corkscrew next to it, opened the bottle and filled one glass only half.   
“That’s a quarter for you, a quarter for me.”  
“You’re a cool doctor…with a sexy ass.”  
“You checked out my rear end while I got you a wine?”  
“Guilty without feeling guilty.”  
“No comment on that.” Jules handed Sara the wine. “If you finish it in one you’re in trouble.”  
Sara grinned. She had the idea. Forgetting the pan killers, the injuries, enjoy a good wed wine. Unfortunately her girlfriend was too clever. A smart girlfriend. With a sexy ass.  
“Do you mind when I get changed?”  
“Feel free to do so…and could you get my PJ too? It will take some time for me to change.”  
“Need a hand?”  
“All you want is to see me naked.”  
“Sooner or later I’ll get there anyway.”  
“You think?”  
“I know. And I’ve seen you naked before. I know every inch of you.”  
“You were drunk, you can’t remember that night.”  
“I wasn’t that drunk.”  
“You were.”  
“How do you know? You were drunk.”  
“I was sober enough to leave your place before you woke up.”  
“That was very cowardly.” Jules left the room.   
“It called smart!” Sara took another sip of the wine. She needed Jules to help her change or it would take her ages. You never realize how much you need your legs when they just work. Since she was paralyzed she realized how often she used her legs for moving, shifting her body or doing easy things like tying her shoes.   
Was it right that Jules was here? Wasn’t it smarter to stay in different condos? Only meet in the evening for an hour? They were at the beginning of their relationship, being together the whole time was maybe too much. Then again Jules worked the whole day.   
“I found a PJ, was it the one you had in mind?”   
“I don’t care which one. Thanks. Nice shirt.” Sara chuckled. Loony tunes. She never picked Jules as a comic fan.   
“I love the Road Runner and Coyote. Poor Will.E. never gets his birdie.”  
“He does. One time.”  
“Are you a fan too?”  
“No, I’m not a child anymore but that’s common knowledge. If you hadn’t wasted so much time looking for the perfect white coat you would know.”  
“You’re cheeky. And done with the wine.” Jules took the glass out of Sara’s hands and finished it. “Arms up, we get you changed.”  
“I can change myself – at least the shirt. And the rest too, it only takes a little bit longer. Why do I have to go to bed anyway? It’s almost ten, that’s worse than hospital.”  
“One of s has to get up at six. You get yourself dressed, I take the pizza box with me and get myself ready in the bathroom.”  
“Dragon.” Sara grumbled. Okay, until she was ready for bed it would take a while. So why not start with the easy part? Changing the shirt. And after that it was time for the pants. There had to be a way she could do it herself. 

“Tomorrow I’ll get ready for bed at seven. It takes ages, awful.” Sara complained while she tried to get out of her wheelchair and into her bed without help. This was crazy, everything took not two or three times longer, it took ten times longer. In the bathroom she got stuck twice because her wheelchair was bigger than she had expected. All those years she was sure she had a spacious bathroom, now she knew it was middle sized. The mirror was too high, she had problems brushing her teeth because she could barely get close enough to the basin and how she could possible use the shower was something she didn’t want to think about. Maybe she should take the shower head and give herself a shower sitting on the chair in the middle of the room.   
“If you lose some of your pride and let me help you, you’ll be faster.” Jules closed the door behind them.   
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. First you have to try it yourself and then you can whine for help and…  
ouch.” Instead of ending up in her bed, she almost slipped down the edge of the mattress. Only Jules’s fast reactions saved her from falling down.   
“That’s why they ordered home care, I get that. Now. When will I be able to walk again?”  
“Soon. Do you need anything else?”  
“No, thanks.”  
“Good.” Jules switched off the lights and made her way to Sara’s bed in the little light that came through the curtains.   
“What I also hate is that I can barely move in bed. It’s hard work to change the position I sleep in. The next time I want to break an arm, the left one.”  
“There won’t be a next time, what do you think about this solution?”  
“Perfect.” Sara sighed with release. Finally in bed. As good as it was to be back home, she realized now how much easier most things were in hospital. There was a wheelchair friendly bathroom, there were nurses who got her everything she needed and she was the whole time in bed and didn’t have to climb into in the evening.   
“One thing is missing.”   
“What?” Jules asked.  
“My arms are empty, that can’t be right.”  
“Want a pillow? Your teddy bear?”  
“You?”  
“Best decision.” Jules got into Sara’s arms. “Better?”  
“Almost.”  
“Almost? What is missing now?”  
Instead of words Sara kissed her softly. This was missing. The whole time they hadn’t done anything else than holding each others hand. Jules was her girlfriend for Christ’s sake, she wanted to kiss her.   
“That was something I missed too.”  
“Why didn’t you kiss me before?”  
“I wasn’t sure if you want it.”  
“For a psychologist, who can read people’s mind, this is a poor answer. Why do you think I want you here? Why do I want you in my bed and not on the couch? In my bed with me.”  
“Why do you want Greg in your bed with you?”  
“Forget that, that won’t happen. Besides, you came up with the stupid idea you’re my sister. If I had made up the story he would be my brother, you’re his wife and I’ve an affair with the wife of my brother. What makes me a very bad sister but in love and war everything is fair.”  
“So you’re fighting dirty?”  
“If that makes you mine, yes. Very dirty.”  
“Good to know.” Jules kissed Sara again. “So what did you plan for us?”  
“Me? What about you?”  
“I asked you first.”  
“Do we need a plan? Can’t we just do what we want?”  
“What do you want?”  
“See, there’s the problem. Some things I want but can’t do at the moment. The thought of having you so close to me drives me crazy. I want to be all over you, the problem is, at the moment my ability to moving is limited and I’d rather wait until I’m fit again than being useless and boring.”  
“Honey, you’re exciting, no matter what you do. Your arms and legs could be chained and you’d be very exciting.”  
“It’s not me, the chains are what excite you in that fantasy.”  
“No, it’s you. But I understand what you mean and I do respect that. No sex until you can move your legs.”  
“Is that all right for you?”  
“Stupid question.” Jules kissed Sara’s tip of the nose. “How could I be comfortable or fine with something that makes you uncomfortable? I can wait two or three weeks, having you in my arms and kissing you isn’t that bad. Maybe I nib on you a little bit while you’re asleep.”  
“Did I take a vampire in my bed?”  
“If so it’s too late now.” Jules put one of her legs over Sara’s. “I got you and I won’t let you do.”  
“Caught in your arms and under your leg. Much better than chains.” Sara snuggled deeper in Jules’s arms. This was the best medicine for her heart and soul, so it had to be the best medicine for her back and legs as well. Happiness can make you well.


End file.
